My Name
by Halibugz
Summary: "I'm not your master," Ciel's voice cried out from beneath the covers. "I'm not. I'm just the Phantomhive that wasn't intended to get anything. The one they didn't like. The one that wasn't supposed to live."
1. Chapter 1

Sebastian hadn't been expecting the cry that came from his young master's bedroom in the middle of the night. Yes, the young Ciel Phantomhive had nightmares in the past, but with the boy being thirteen now, Sebastian had thought they were past it. Nevertheless, he moved from filling out records and going to his master's bedroom. It would certainly not be a quiet night.

"Young master?" Sebastian asked as he knocked on the door. "May I come in?" While Sebastian would have normally awaited an answer, this wasn't a normal situation. His master wasn't going to answer him no matter what.

Sebastian answered the room. Seeing the teenager wrapped up in his blankets was a familiar sight. Well, not recently, but Sebastian had definitely had to deal with this quite a bit when he had first become contracted to the boy and throughout their years together.

"Young master?" Sebastian asked once again. "Did you have another nightmare?"

"I'm not your master," Ciel's voice cried out from beneath the covers. "I'm not. I'm just the Phantomhive that wasn't intended to get anything. The one they didn't like. The one that wasn't supposed to live."

"What are you on about, my lord?" Sebastian asked. He knew what Ciel was speaking about, but he would let the boy answer himself.

"You know what I'm on about!" Ciel exclaimed suddenly. "You know who I really am!"

"You told me that your name is Ciel Phantomhive, master," Sebastian said. "When I asked you your name, that is what you told me. I needn't know anything else."

"But you do!" Ciel exclaimed. "He's your master, not me!"

"I am not his butler," Sebastian said. "I did not spend these years caring for him. I spent them with _you_. No matter what your true name is, you are the one that I have served all this time. You are the one who holds the contract seal in your right eye."

"But..." Ciel trailed off. "I can't do this. I'm not who they say I am. They chose him. Not me."

"You did not deserve to die," Sebastian said. "You didn't. You were ten years old. So was he. You did not have to take on his name. Master, _you_ were the one who chose him over yourself."

"No, they were so relieved when they thought he was alive!" Ciel exclaimed. "They hugged me, thinking it was him!"

"Master..." Sebastian trailed off. "What is your name?"

"Not Ciel," Ciel said. "My name isn't Ciel. It's not. That's _his_ name."

"What is your name?" Sebastian repeated. "Tell me, lord. You've already confessed this much. Tell me your name."

"My name is..." Ciel trailed off.

* * *

 **When I read the 2CT, I fell in love with it. In my opinion, it makes a lot of sense with where the manga is headed. This was inspired by the 2CT and I hope if that's what is going on right now, Yana writes it in really soon. Plus, I wanna see some great Undertaker in the manga soon!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yep, I continued it. I have a reason as to why, but I'm not going to say for the time being. But if you ask me, I'll tell you; I just don't want people to know if they don't really want to know.** **No word on how often chapters will be updated because I'm working now, but we'll see.**

* * *

Ciel stood in front of his bathroom mirror. How could Sebastian act as if nothing had happened? Ciel had practically spilled his biggest secret out to the demon; though he always suspected Sebastian had known anyway. After all, Sebastian had called him a liar when Ciel first told him his name.

His name.

Ciel…

No.

It felt wrong on his tongue. It felt wrong when others referred to him as such. At least the servants didn't refer to him as Ciel. No, he only had to worry about that when he was with others. The Queen, Aunt Frances, Elizabeth and Edward…

Ciel stared at his reflection in the mirror. He felt as though he were looking at a ghost in the mirror.

No, he had changed since that day. He was older, taller, his face was thinner. He had pierced his ears just because of it. But Ciel knew he looked like the image of _him._

Without warning, Ciel suddenly sent a fist flying toward the mirror. He was actually surprised that he was able to crack the mirror, though it was still at the expense of his skin. He was even more shocked that Sebastian hadn't known what he was going to do and come stop him.

"You needed to learn from your own actions," Sebastian spoke up suddenly, reading Ciel's mind. The boy thought Sebastian had been in the kitchen, but obviously, the butler kept close tabs on his charge.

"Natural consequences, eh?" Ciel didn't very much care, though Sebastian retrieved a first aid kit and quickly began to bandage his bloodied hand.

"Yes, my lord," Sebastian replied as he finished bandaging his master's hand. "Are you planning on harming any other pieces of furniture?"

"You show so much concern for your master," Ciel muttered sarcastically. After a moment of pause he replied, "No."

"Would you like to come to the parlour and have a cup of tea?" Sebastian asked. Ciel wondered briefly if this was the demon trying to distract him. "A hot cup of tea may soothe your nerves and put you more at ease."

"No," Ciel repeated. He just wanted to be alone with his thoughts. There was a pause. "Do you think of me any differently after last night?"

"After you told me your real name?" Sebastian's eyebrows raised. He had suspected there would be no more talk of what had happened. After all, it wasn't like an Earl to bother with opinions of his servants. And usually the teen's outbursts went unspoken of. "Of course not, my lord."

Ciel turned to the demon.

"Knowing the name given to you at birth has not changed any opinion I may have had about you," Sebastian explained. "It isn't a servant's place to hold negative opinions of their master."

"And that's the end of it?" Ciel asked.

"If you so wish, it shall be," Sebastian replied.

"Good," Ciel muttered. "Don't mention this to another soul."

"Of course, my lord."

Ciel moved to his study later that day, trying to push all the thoughts out of his head. He had been so successful at keeping everything hidden. At keeping his feelings on the matter hidden. But he knew what he told himself was true. Everyone would have rather Ciel…

 _"Ciel!"_ a bubbly voice chirped, shocking Ciel out of his thoughts. He looked away from the falling stack of cards on his desk – when did he do that? – and focused on Elizabeth standing in front of it.

"Elizabeth," Ciel spoke, surprised of her visit. Sebastian hadn't said anything about a visit being on the schedule, though it wasn't unlike his fiancée to come unannounced. "You might send a letter in the post before your arrival."

"I don't want to send a letter in the post every time I want to see my fiancé!" Elizabeth slightly whined. "And anyways, you know I like it when you call me Lizzy." Ciel couldn't help the downward tugging of his lips. Ciel always called her Lizzy. He… "I wanted to bring you some things I found in mother's old trunk."

"What would be so important from Aunt Frances' trunk that you came all the way out here?" Ciel asked. Nothing was ever so important to take time from his schedule unless it involved a level of danger.

"They're copies of photographs that were taken a long time ago," Lizzy explained. She pushed them into Ciel's hands. "I know we don't speak of before, but I thought it would be nice for you to have something from that time."

Ciel froze when the photographs were thrust into his hands. He didn't want to look at them. He didn't want those eyes staring back at him, knowing that he shouldn't be in his position. _He_ should.

"Thank you, Lizzy," Ciel forced out. He felt like his hands were on fire just holding the photographs, but he couldn't throw them away in front of his cousin's face. "I appreciate this."

"Oh, Ciel, what happened to your hand?" Lizzy asked worriedly as she noticed the bandage on Ciel's hand from earlier. She reached to cradle his hand, though he quickly moved it out of sight.

"It's nothing," Ciel replied. He wasn't proud of his outburst and he didn't want anyone else to know what he had done.

"Lady Elizabeth, why don't you accompany the young master to the parlour while I put these in a safe place," Sebastian suddenly spoke, successfully interrupting the blonde from seeking her fiancé's wound any further. Ciel hadn't even noticed he was there, but then again, it made sense the demon would be there to let Elizabeth in. He plucked the photographs from Ciel's grasp and the two had a mental exchange.

 _Don't you dare look at them._

Even if Ciel was sure Sebastian knew of everything, he didn't want it to be so.

"Please, allow me to lead you both to the parlour." Sebastian guided the two nobles to the parlour before serving them tea and cakes. After he was sure the two were settled, he dipped out of the room to place the photographs in Ciel's bedroom in his nightstand drawer. That was one of the few places he knew the other servants wouldn't look through.

It seemed his little lord was determined to pretend this had never happened.

* * *

"Lord," Sebastian spoke up during bath time. Servants usually did not speak unless spoken to. The Phantomhive servants, however, weren't ordinary servants. "If I may inquire; why do you never speak of him?"

Ciel perked up with surprise.

"Of Ciel?" he asked. "Or…myself, rather?"

"Either," Sebastian replied.

"Ciel wasn't any other child," Ciel muttered. "He was…just different." Ciel shivered thinking about his brother. He had been possessive and controlling. "He was like a parasite."

"Lady Elizabeth doesn't seem to agree," the demon commented as he rinsed soap from Ciel's hair. The young blonde seemed to dote on the memory of her beloved fiancé.

"That's because she didn't know…" he trailed off. "She didn't know how he really was. No one did."

"Except for you?"

"Except for me." Ciel nearly shuddered as he relived everything. All of the tantrums, the pranks, following along with his every command. He had always felt like a puppet, forgotten behind the strings of his puppeteer.

"I apologize for bringing it up," Sebastian spoke. He had seen Ciel the night he became tied to the Phantomhives. He was well aware of the situation. It was a secret that had been held with him and his young master. "Please do not dwell on this tonight. You need your rest after not getting your usual amount of sleep last night."

"Don't go around giving me orders, demon."

* * *

 _"You twins will be in so much trouble when I tell your father about this!" Rachel scolded as she finally found her hairbrush inside of the toilet bowl. She sighed, not knowing what to do about her children. She hadn't the energy to run after them with her illness; her sister, Anne, usually helped when she was able, but she was busy at the hospital. "You just wait, you two!"_

 _Ciel laughed as he ran from the room, pulling his brother along with him. They ran off until they reached the nursery littered with toys._

 _"What should we do now?" Ciel asked. He was always full of boundless amounts of energy, which channeled his mischievousness. He was always the leader in the Phantomhive twin equation, and that would never change._

 _"I think-"_

 _"Ciel!" the squealing voice of their cousin Elizabeth interrupted. Her blonde curls bounced as she ran over to the older brother and hugged onto him tightly._

 _"Lizzy!" Ciel exclaimed happily, holding onto the cousin that was just a year older than the twins. "Is Auntie here too?" Lizzy nodded. "Let's go play!"_

 _"Wait…" But it was too late, Ciel and Elizabeth were running off toward the music room. He looked down toward his feet, all alone. But suddenly, there was someone beside him._

 _"What is it, dear?" Rachel asked as she knelt down. When the twins were born, she was often asked how she would be able to tell them apart. But as they grew, Rachel had noticed the differences between her sons. "Did Ciel run off with Elizabeth?" He nodded. "Don't worry, you can come stay with me."_

 _"I thought you were mad at us," he spoke. Rachel had been furious about her hairbrush._

 _"It wasn't a nice thing you two did," Rachel replied. "But I can't deny spending time with one of my two favourite boys. Come now, let's go off to surprise your father in his study." He laughed a bit as he took his mother's hand and was guided toward the study._

 _While Ciel played with Lizzy, Vincent tried to teach his other son chess. He didn't grasp the concept as easily as Ciel had, but he enjoyed it much more. They had finished a round before Ciel entered the study wearing his fencing attire._

 _"Oh, Ciel," Vincent stood from the chess table to see his eldest son. "Was your Aunt working with your fencing today?"_

 _"Yes," Ciel answered. "But she's going to leave so she wanted to say goodbye to you and mother now."_

 _"I'll be back," Vincent stated, waving Rachel from where she had been working on her knitting in the corner of the room before leaving alongside his wife._

 _"What was that?" Ciel asked sternly. It was clear he wasn't happy about something._

 _"Father was teaching me how to play chess!" the younger brother exclaimed excitedly. "Soon enough I'll be as good as you are!" Ciel reached over to his brother and gripped onto his arm, forcing him to relinquish the pawn in his hand. "Ciel…?"_

 _"You aren't ever to play this game without me," Ciel spoke. "You aren't to do_ anything _without me!"_

 _"But…you were playing with Elizabeth…" he trailed off. "You're hurting me, Ciel."_

 _"Just because I leave doesn't mean you're allowed to run off with mother and father!" Ciel shouted. "We're going to play in the nursery now and then we're going to go outside and catch frogs."_

 _"But I don't like…" Ciel gave him a stern glare, causing him to keep quiet. "Catching frogs is a great idea!" he forced out._

 _"Good."_

* * *

Ciel jumped from bed, gripping his chest and feeling his heart pounding. Ciel wasn't there anymore and there was no way he could hurt him. There was no way…

"Master?" Sebastian asked as he entered the room with a candelabra in his hands. "Did you have another nightmare?"

"No…" Ciel trailed off. "It was nothing."


End file.
